Dear J K Rowling
by Hatter of Madness
Summary: This isn't really fanfiction. I wrote a letter to J. K. Rowling about how inspirational she is to me and it took so much courage to post here. Warning: Talks about self harm, depression, and an eating disorder. Might change to T?


**~*~Dear J. K. Rowling~*~  
>by Hatter of Madness <strong>

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><p>Dear J. K. Rowling:<p>

I am writing this letter because I would like to thank you for everything. I first picked up a _Harry Potter_ book in the fourth grade, but I wasn't really a fan until eighth. Coincidentally, in eighth grade was when the series _Twilight_ was gaining popularity. I wasn't a _Twilight_ fan and was bullied because of that, along with many other things (I have diabetes, I'm antisocial, people thought I was weird, I was "too smart", etc.). I had been dealing with depression for a while at this point and often thought of asking my parents if I could be homeschooled to escape the bullies at my school, which included some people I had considered friends (I wasn't able to attend a friend's birthday party so a majority of the girls there, all of whom I knew, teased me behind my back, saying I "wasn't ready" for high school because I was so strange).

In the summer between eighth and ninth grade, I was reading _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,_ and my friend Courtney and I were having a contest to see who could finish the book series first. Because I wanted to win, I read _Half-Blood Prince_ at a startlingly fast rate, which then made me fall in love with the series. Because I realized I liked it so much, I forgot all about our contest and took my time reading _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, while Courtney finished that one in less than a week.

I started ninth grade about the same time that I started _Deathly Hallows_. Because I was taking three honors classes (English, geometry, and biology) and a foreign language (Spanish), I had little time to read _Deathly Hallows,_ but I joined Internet fanbases specifically for _Potter_ fans, so that I still felt like I was a part of Hogwarts. At this point, the bullying was far worse for me, because now about half of my grade knew who I was, when before people I would sit next to in class didn't even know what my name was. I had a lot of enemies at this point and a lot of people thought I was ugly. I was told that I "looked smart", which meant that the person telling me this thought I was unattractive. People also started calling me fat, to that point that I even developed an eating disorder, which I am happy to say at this moment in time I no longer have. Once during an entire class period I could hear two boys giving each other a play-by-play of the "weird" things I was doing. I even ended up crying in my stagecraft class to have my teacher try to talk to me, but I couldn't even make comprehensible sentences.

It got so bad I started reading again. Anything I could find, I would read, even if it wasn't suitable for my age level (i.e., a book on recommended college reading lists—though I do have an I.Q. and reading level extremely high—a Dr. Seuss book, etc.). I started reading the _Harry Potter_ series again. Honestly, reading your series helped me get through the days where I couldn't form complete sentences from pain or just wanted to regress back to my destructive eating habits. I was, very literally, on the edge of my seat in the second of _Deathly Hallows,_ and I can proudly recall that I finished the series on June 17, 2011 at 6:09 PM. I even started to imagine that I was a Ravenclaw student at Hogwarts so that I felt like I truly belonged. The characters of Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom helped me the most. They were shown to be outsiders, both in different ways, but they didn't seem to let that get to them. Luna especially helped me. She was shown to have no friends until she joined Dumbledore's Army, but she didn't let that get to her. I wished that I could be as strong as Luna.

I even ended up befriending my English teacher because when I first walked into her classroom, the first thing I noticed was a Gryffindor banner over the window. Across the room was a homemade Quidditch cup. My English teacher was also the teacher of our school Academic Decathlon class, and on days when there wasn't anything else planned, the CHAD (the name of our school decathlon) would watch a _Harry Potter_ movie. On the last day of school, instead of taking a final, they would play Quidditch. She had been a fan of your books ever since the first one came out here in America. I had only been a fan for a year. I decided then that I wanted to be in the Academic Decathlon class (of course, there were other reasons, especially since one of my friends was in the class as well), but because of my rather busy schedule, I don't believe that will be possible. One of my friends and I (in said English class) even mentioned to our teacher that our vocabulary word _acquiesce _sounded like a _Harry Potter_ spell.

I even went to the _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2_ midnight premier with a friend, dressed up like a Hogwarts student (I even had a Ravenclaw tie and we wore her older brothers' black graduation robes). Playing homage to my bespectacled hero, I even wore my glasses instead of contacts. The following day my dog destroyed said glasses.

I know you probably didn't want to hear about my private life, but because of your series, I've been able to escape from reality when I needed it. I've also had a love of writing even before I picked up your first book for the first time, and because of your inspirational "rags to riches" story, I've been able to chase my dream of one day publishing a novel. After hearing how you helped Evanna Lynch with her eating disorder, I decided I was going to stop mine and try to be "beautiful" in a different, safer way. I switched from my glasses to contact lenses and decided if I ever felt that I needed to lose weight, I'd do it in a safe way, not by vomiting. I've even had less thoughts about self harm and self mutilation, and I've stopped having dreams that I'm taking my own life. The only person I have to thank is you.

Thank you, Joanne Rowling, for being such an inspiration

Sincerely your devoted fan,  
>Hatter of Madness<p>

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><p><strong>Hai hai. That took SO much courage to write and even more to post here. I didn't really sign it Hatter of Madness, but I don't feel comfortable disclosing my name here, since I put my first, middle, and last name in the closing of the letter. This isn't really fanfiction, but I am a fan, and I plan on sending this to J. K. Rowling sometime to let her know about how much of a true inspiration she is. So um. Yeah. Now you know all about Miss Hatter's sad little personal life. All of what I wrote is true; I wouldn't be sending lies to the greatest author ever! So I don't even care if people read this or not. I just...yeah. Anyway, as a word of advice to anyone that may feel the way I do: <em>There is always hope.<em> I learned that, and now I'm finding means to deal with my depression in a productive way. I'm sure you can, too.**

**-Hatter of Madness**


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